Thursday 25 November 2010

Sigh hunny.

I know it's good that you're getting job offers. BUT WHY MUST IT START IN DEC.

The reason why I'm being so "lui yan" is because of this la. Not because I have some stupid woman's instinct OMG. this is so insane. lol. i think you also thought I was acting up and being all weird and unlike the baby u know.

it's 3 weeks till I see you again, but I kinda don't look forward to it anymore because there is a high chance you wont be able to spend time with me :( i know this is very selfish of me, but I really planned this for so long, and I did think that you might be working, but I thought even if you worked, you'd start way earlier,then you'd be able to take leave and if you didn't find a job, you'd definitely find a job starting in Jan as the year came to an end.

I didnt foresee things becoming so last minute..:C it's really been stressing me out, and the cause of my short bursts of emoness you sometimes see on skype.

What makes things worse is that now even if I cant stand it and want to tell you, I can't because your big bro and I are afraid that me telling you will make you not wanna take the job, and men should always view their jobs as important right?

This is what has been giving me headaches because I really was looking forward to spending my week with you, and now I can't even share my problems with you because I don't want it to affect your decision. :(

I've planned so hard for everything to be just perfect. :'( and now this is something I cant control.

LOL I got those pills for you too you know? so you see, I even controlled my own natural functions just so everything could be perfect. But I guess not everything is in my hands, and although I used my super efficient organization skills (I swear I should put this surprise planning into my CV) I still cannot control this one.

It really is good for you to have job offers babe. Really, I'm not mad at all. In fact, if I wasn't coming to HK I would be soo happy for you. I know you probably think I'm being a girl and being afraid of you not being able to spend time with me, but really, do you think I am that childish? and that I wouldn't understand? Of course I do understand hun. I really do. The only reason why I'm not as happy as I should be is because of that ONE week that I will be in HK.

I really want to spend all my time with you. I did so many things just so that I could have some time with you, and make you happy, and keep my promise to see you once every three months. I pretended I forgot about that promise, but I didn't. It just sucks, because I put in so much effort to make this plan work, I managed to convince my parents to let me go home for two weeks, I managed to push my assessment date earlier so that I could fly ASAP, even found pills to delay stuff..and now... sigh.

I'm sorry, and when you find out about this "sad" part you're probably gonna say "Why didn't you share this with me?? You should share all your worries with me maa??" and baby, I really do wanna share it with you, but knowing you, you will realise how much effort I put in and you will let it affect your decision. ANd also the fact that your dai lou will get annoyed with me because he will think I'm being selfish, which undeniably, if I do tell you, and force you to make a decision, it WILL be very selfish.

:'(

Sorry hunny, this post might make you feel bad, but when you read this I probably will be very happy already because whatever it is, at least I get to hug you, and keep my promise to you, even if it means that you might not be able to spend most of your time with me. I guess whether I like it or not, I'm still coming because everything is booked ( although honestly speaking right now I am so so so so so so bummed out about it that I'm not even looking forward to it anymore) and ANYWAY I GET TO SEE YOU AT LEAST.

(lol im trying to make myself feel better)

my lovely dai lou also said.. "aiya nevermind la if he cannot be with you I will bring you around laaa. its the same ga la... we are from the same mother ..."

omg i really =.= dunno what to say. i was like "omg dai lou. it is DEFINITELY very different"

and he just laughed =.=

I've been stressing out to so many ppl, but really, what can I do, but pray that somehow things will work out?

I totally told you everything already but you didnt realise, and you said "stop with the hypothesis" lol. I even went and told you how I was gonna surprise you, but you still didn't get it :)

Sigh. I love you so much that even if it means I won't have you for the whole day, it's still okay.. at least I hope I can still be okay.. I'm trying hard to.. but it's just that right now I'm abit dissapointed that what I planned cannot turn out.

Still. Alot of things are changing at the moment, and you havent accepted any job offers yet, so keep our fingers crossed yea?

I'll be okay when you read this, I promise. But right now, I gotta pretend that everything is okay when deep down I'm just sooo dissapointed because I've been looking forward soo much to this and now.. sigh.

I love you hun. And I'm sorry if this post sounds selfish. But let me emo for awhile, and then I'll pick myself up and look at the bigger picture. I always want the best for you, even if it means I will get a little dissapointed.

I still look forward to kissing you in real life, and not through the screen. Any little moments with you is worth the wait, the money, the effort, everything that I put into this plan.

I love you.

:'(

Drove through the city @ |{01:43|
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